|Things I'll never say Chapter 3
||[May. 15th, 2006|01:13 am]
Title: Things I'll Never Say
FullMetal Alchemist - Romance - R - Ed/Winry
"Prologue - Chapter 2"
Chapter 3 : Auto-mail
My sheets are nice and comfy as I glide my body under them. I sigh as they envelope me. But I am not entirely at ease. What happened today still alludes me. Why did Ed hit Al? In the time I have known them they have never hit each other out of anger before. Something is going on. I can feel it. The air has changed and I don't like it one bit. Ed seems to be hiding something. Since he came back he hardly talks to me and I sometimes feel like it's my fault. What did I do wrong? I know that I will not fall asleep for quite a while with these thoughts plaguing my mind. Before I drift off I remember thinking. Ed, why do you hate me so much?
I awoke to the birds chirping outside my window. I love waking up to the sunshine on my face. The rays warm my soul as they filter through the window. Almost putting me at ease. They use to warm my heart also. But as of late I have been aching inside. Why? I have one word for you. Edward. Yes, Edward. When I am around he ignores me. I feel like I'm in a room crowded with people and I am screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me. My heart suffocates when he is around. I just wish I could get over him.
As I brush my hair I wonder if I'm not pretty enough. Maybe if I wasn't so plain he would see me differently. My hair up in a pin with the sides down like always. And my white collared shirt and brown pants. Maybe I need a change. No, I can't do that. If I change myself it still wouldn't be me and he would see right through that. Why is life so unfair? Why can't he just love me? My hand tightens around the brush. And in a moment of rage I throw the brush at the nearby wall. My breathing is rushed as my body tenses. I am frustrated.
I was almost over you. I had finally stopped crying and was almost to the point of moving on when you showed up at my door. You showed up and hugged me. You held me in your arms and I felt whole again. I finally thought that the wall you had built was crumbling down before me. But no, you pushed me away and made the wall higher and thicker than before. Not even Al knows how to get through this wall.
A knock at my door brings me from my rage and sadness. I stand still. Maybe they will assume I am still asleep in my bed and leave. But there is another knock on my door.
"Winry? Is everything alright?" I hear a young man's voiced laced with worry say through the door.
I don't say anything, willing Al to just leave me alone.
"Ok... well... If you need to talk. I am here.... anytime.." It sounds like he is about to say something else but he sighs and then I hear his footfalls going down the hall and then descend down the stairs.
I sigh with a relief. Does Al know what is going on? Maybe I will talk to him. I sigh once more. Trying to calm myself further before leaving my bedroom. I am about to open the door when I hear a loud painful scream. On instinct i think of Ed and I bolt down the hallway. Almost falling the stairs I fly down and am greeted with a god awful scene.
There seated on the couch is Ed. His face covered in sweat. He is shirtless and pant-less. Okay he is wearing his boxers, he's not completely naked, not like I wouldn't have minded.
Granny is kneeling and working on his leg. Something seems off about this scene.
"What's going on?" I ask trying not to sound too worried. But I fail miserably and a slight blush comes up to my face. I try to look away but Ed glances my way and immediately locks eyes with me. Those eyes. Those golden eyes that hold my soul and capture my heart. I am dumb struck. Granny speaks and makes me break my eye-lock.
"His leg and arm are broken and he never bothered to tell us." She grunts and gives him a "you idiot" look. "But the nerve endings won't shut down. But there is no other way to take it off. Brace yourself kid." She gives one final tug and sure enough the auto-mail detaches and Ed yells out one more time before falling backwards leaning against the couch. His eyes are clenched tightly shut. He must be in so much pain. I reach my hand out but pull it back quickly. He doesn't want comfort. He would think it was pity.
Granny looks at me quizzically. I shake my head willing her to not ask me.
"Well I guess we will have to make all new parts for him. I don't have some of the pieces so it might be a while." She stands up and pats him on his real leg. "You will just have to do with the dummy leg for a while kiddo." Granny puts the dummy leg on quickly. Then she starts to walk away, mumbling as she goes.
I am still in shock at what happened. I almost went to him. I need to control myself. Oh wait, the auto-mail!
"Granny wait...!" I say as I turn to her. "That won't be necessary." I bite my lip as I look at Ed out of the corner of my eye. He hadn't moved. But his face was less intense. "I...well you see..." I start to stutter.
"Well out with it!" she says.
"I already made him an auto-mail arm and leg." I whisper. I dip my head and stare at my feet. So it's out. She knows why I made the limbs. She knew what kept me up night after night while he was away.
I hear a sigh come from her. "Well then get on with it."
I lift my head and start to panic. I rush after her. "Can't you put the limbs on?" I ask her pleading.
"What?" she asks me. "I thought you liked putting his auto-mail on?" She asks me. I shake my head. She is right though.I do indeed like putting it on. The only problem is that he doesn't like me putting it on.
"Wnry, you can't run from him forever." Al says from behind me. I turn and notice he is blocking the doorway to the living room. I am suddenly thankful that he is blocking Ed from me. I don't know how I will face him. I know he heard what I said.
I chuckle nervously. "I'm not hiding." Al shakes his head and retreats back into the living room and up the stairs to read perhaps. I turn back to Granny but she is gone. "Shoot.. where'd she go." I am about to leave when I am stopped right in mid stride by his voice.
"Winry..." Ed says with a tone I have never heard him use before. It's not angry but a little bit sad.
I hang my head and feel like I am about to fall to my knees. I can't look at him. I am too embarrassed. What must be think of me? An obsessed little girl with a crush? I can't show my weakness. I have to show him that I am strong. I straighten up. I take a deep breath and turn around. I gasp in shock.
There stands the love of my life. His shoulders hunched forward in defeat and his eyes glisten with unshed tears. "You never gave up hope..." he says barely above a whisper. If the house wasn't so damn quiet I probably never would have heard him.
My heart and soul ache to hold him. To tell him how much I missed him while he was away. But that is a wish. It will never happen. Instead I reply with "Well how else was I to spend my time? I needed something to do." I hissed. I may love him. But i am still angry with him for leaving me. I don't know if i can ever forgive him for that.
He slowly moves toward me. He reaches out to me with his arm as he speaks. "Why are you being so cold...?" He sounds so hurt. I must have heard wrong. As I am replaying the words in my head I feel his hand touch my shoulder. It's like molten lava against ice. A sudden warmth is spread through out my body at the sudden touch. But I flinch and he pulls his hand back in fear. Fear? Yes, his eyes look afraid. Why? Doesn't he understand what his touch does to me?
"You can't just come in here and touch me like that...." I turn and feel the damn break as droplets fall like a stream down my porcelain face.
Suddenly someone holds me from behind. Putting an arm around my waist and pulling me closer. "Don't.. please..." I say but i can't stop the sobs from coming now. I put my hands up to my face. Why can't I just run away? Oh I wish I could run away from this pain.
His head perches itself on my shoulder and we are now cheek to cheek. I can feel his breath and smell his scent. The sadness and anguish I felt soon being replaced by the warmth I felt earlier. A few more crystalline tears fall down my face.
"Winry... I.." He seems to fumble with the words.
If he tells me he doesn't love me I think it will ruin me. I can't handle that. It would break my heart. "Please... don't say it..." I plead with him.
"I..." He tries again.
No Ed, please, you will break my heart if you speak those words to me. I break from his hold on me. How I had the will power to do so alludes me. But I did break away. I wrapped my arms around myself as I went through the porch door leading outside to my work-shed.
Before I enter I hear a loud crash from the kitchen I hear a yell and then silence. A tear comes down my cheek and hits the ground. I look upon it and decide that that will be the last tear I ever shed for Edward Elric.
((AN: I like to post in two's or threes but I just had to post this chapter now. I am almost done with Chapter 4... so probably either Mon. night or Tues night it will be up... or if I get crafty... Tomorrow day... oooo wouldn't that be nice?))
(AN 2: Is this fic way to angsty? Sorry if it is. I am just trying to capture the mood. I have lived through something like this so I am trying to apply that experinence to this fic.))