... (ssjkawaiitenshi) wrote in kt_fanfics,

Title: Things I'll Never Say
FullMetal Alchemist - Romance - R - Ed/Winry
Edward comes back to find theyare both different, but can they get over those differances?
Author : ssjkawaiitenshi

"Prologue -2" ----"3" ----- "4"----- "5"----- " 6"----" 7 + 8" -- "9"--- "10"
-- "11"

Chapter 13 : Getting back on track

"Brother...if you do not go up there right this minute...so help me..." Alphonse is irritated at me. Why? Because I am too much of a chicken to go up and face her. "You HAVE to go up there... and you know it.." Oh no Al, you did NOT just use that tone of voice with me. I dubbed it your secret weapon. Because when you use that tone I'll do anything.... damn you.

So grumbling I make my way up the creaky stares, and I don't even try to hinder the noise, she knows I am coming from the way the bannister creaks under my metal grip. Step by step my metal foot clangs against the hard wood beneath. My sin... my burden. I shake my head, those are the LAST thoughts I should be having right now. It is not the time to wallow in my own self pity.

I snort as my hand is about to grasp the doorknob, but I am soon overcome with fear. Why?

Afraid of losing her... but more afraid of becoming HIM. I don't want to be my father. I close my eyes and remember the last moment I saw him as a young boy. A dark figure in the doorway holding a briefcase... or was that a suitcase? Was he leaving us right then? Was that the time he left us for good? I shake my head once again to try and rid myself of these thoughts. I know Al says I am not him. But look at me... I have hurt the ones I loved and I left them.  Sighing I grasp the doorknob. Now I must atone for my mistakes.

So with a shaky breath I open the door.

There is a thin line of sunlight streaming through the curtained window on the far side of the room. Giving the area a soft warm glow. My eyes trail along the floor until they settle on the hunched figure on the bed. I bite my lip and cautiously make my way over.

Me, the Fullmetal alchemist, feel like a small child as I carefully seat myself next to her quivering frame. My mouth has gone dry, I attempt to clear it, only to find that is hard to do as well.

"Hey..." I curse for it comes out no more than a chocked whisper.

"Hey yourself..." She says as I sit next to her on her bed.

It seems like hours go by...

"How does it feel...?" I turn from my view of the floor.

"What?" Blinking my eyes I ask, clearly confused.

She reaches up a hand and feebly wipes at the endless flow of tears that are coming down her face. "I said How does it feel?" She pauses. "To be hacking your breakfast into the toilet... to be so sick with worry.... and guilt... and..." She pauses again, and in a soft whisper says, "....fear..."

I stare at her then. And I mean "stare". It's almost like my mind is memorizing her face. Her flushed cheeks, her red puffy eyes.... the way her lips have started quivering from her crying...and how the light reflects off her hair and face, giving her the look of an angel weeping.

I want to hold her. I want to tell her that everything is fine and it will be okay. But it is FAR from being okay... and FAR from being fine. My mind, and not to mention my heart is still adjusting. My throat is still as dry as the desert on the way to Lior, but I manage to form some sound.

"Why didn't you tell me...?"

"I thought you were going to leave me... for good..." More tears, more sniffling from her.

"Winry, I never-" But she cuts me off.

"You did!' And there she goes again, sobbing into her hands and her shoulders shake. My eyes widen in shock at her outburst, but I recover quickly.

"I didn't want to hurt you..."I trail off.

"But you did! And Al....you hurt Al too! YOU LEFT US!" She snaps the last part at me. "Did it ever cross  your mind that leaving would cause more harm than good?" She lifts her face to look at me. "Did you Edward?"

I never thought of it like that. I hurt them... physically. I thought that if I disappeared for a while it would be for the best. So I look down ashamed and for the first time in a long time, I apologize. "I'm sorry..."

A long silence goes by. And I become fascinated more and more by the floor with every passing second. The shallow breathing from beside me continues and I dare not look up, for the fear of either a wrench or a barrel of more sobs to come from the woman next to me. But my curiosity gets the better of me and I look up to see her slender frame shake and her hands trying in vain to stop the flow of tears that are coming like twin rivers down her face.

I feel my heart fall into my stomach at the sight of her... the sight of her feeling so...broken... Like she will fall to pieces.. and I don't want that to happen... This girl--no, woman, so full of fire and life is breaking in front of me and I'm sitting here like a sack of potatoes. If I could I would really kick my own ass right now.

Hesitantly I move closer to her and thankfully she doesn't look up.  And with a shaky arm, I put it around her shoulder and pull her to me. The next thing she does startles me. She turns and buries her face into my chest. As the shock wears off I wrap my arms around her tightly.

I lean my cheek down and rub it against her hair. Its so soft and I missed it so much while I was away. And that scent; flowery with a tinge of something metallic. So uniquely hers. I could identify it ANYWHERE.

Winry...  my Winry.... I turn my head and kiss the soft skin behind her ear with out even thinking. She stiffens against me and I almost let go. That is until she snuggles more into me and I sigh in relief.

The feeling of a warm soul against me is refreshing, and it's even more so now that I know that warmth belongs to her. So I tighten my hold once more and kiss down from her ear to her neck and I hear her sigh beside me. Slowly I bring a hand up to stroke her side trailing it to the front of her and I instantly stop and swallow the lump that has risen in my throat.

There... her stomach.... use to be flat with a bit of muscle beneath... now... there is what feels like a small bump...

I suck in a breath and she instantly moves a little and cranes her head up to look at me. Azure eyes staring... analyzing mine.

I lightly laugh to cover my nervousness and I have decided right then and there that I will always tell her the truth. She deserves that and more from me.

"Just surprised me...s'all" And I smile at her and tentatively run a shaky palm over her belly once again. And what I get in return makes my heart flutter, a smile. A big wide grin that puts all her other ones to shame. And like a damn as broken I am overcome with a sense of happiness I have never felt before. I may still be adjusting, but that is normal. I will always feel like I am on my toes wit her, but now, right at this moment I don;'t think I could be any happier... or loved anymore...

....and I think everything is going to be alright...
Tags: fanfiction by series : things i'll never, fma

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