Title: Things I'll Never Say
FullMetal Alchemist - Romance - R - Ed/Winry
Edward comes back to find theyare both different, but can they get over those differances?
Author : ssjkawaiitenshi
"Prologue -2" ----"3" ----- "4"----- "5"----- " 6"----" 7 + 8" -- "9"
Chapter 10 : Discombobulated
I get off the train and feel a breeze come from the way of the Rockbell residence and I shiver. I don't know if its from the wind or the reality that I will have to face once I went back there. Straightening my overcoat I take a big gulp of air then exhale it out.
The walk back I tried to take my time. But my body had a mind of it's own as my feet seemed to carry me faster than I would have liked. As the house comes into view I try to avert my attention to the ground but my curiosity gets the better of me when I notice how quiet the area seems. Odd really, because Den would have been barking incessantly by now.
There seems to be no sound coming from the big yellow house as I creep up the stairs and hesitantly rap on the door. I wait a couple of minutes but no one answers. No sounds of metal on metal coming from the back of the property either. I go to investigate. My heart seems to be in my throat and a bad feeling seems to be creeping up on me.
I went to the work shed and noticed that the door was locked. Huh? That's odd. It was only six or so in the even. Winry was usually out here tinkering away until late into the night. A sudden feeling of dread consumes me. Maybe the accident was serious enough that no one was home because of it. I gulp and swiftly move back to the front door.
So i make my way back to the front door and slowly open it. It seems to be dead quiet inside the residence. Clearing my throat I look around. Placing my knapsak quietly on the ground as well as my suitcase I quickly scan my surroundings. Someone has to be home. Al was looking for me, could he have just left? Unless he thought I never would come. An intense feeling of guilt consumes me. The living room looks neat and picked up. But a piece of paper sitting on the counter in the kitchen catches my attention.
You were resting so I did not want to wake you. Just stay put and rest in bed. See that? I said BED.
Alphonse and I have made a short trip to Rush Valley to inquire about Edward. We will be back sometime tomorrow afternoon. If you need anything you can call Nelly down the road and she will come in a jiffy to help you. If not, rest up and for goodness sakes eat something besides bread.
Granny and Alphonse
The tightening in chest eases when I read that Winry is indeed here. So she must be upstairs. As I make my way around the corner I feel excited about seeing her again, but also dread. What if she she doesn't want me here? What if she... doesn't love me anymore?
I look to the stairs. I can faintly hear something coming from the second floor and I follow it. The noises only getting louder and clearer the higher i go up the stairs. As I near the top I find they sound a lot like sobs. Slowly I walk down the hallway. The floor boards creak under my feet and I curse. She will surely know I am here. The sobs seem to be from Winry's room. And my heart promptly sinks at the thought. Seeing Winry cry always brakes my heart. I stop at the door way and look in a bit. The door to the bathroom at the far end of her room is open. I take a deep breath and take a few steps in. I clear my throat and open my mouth to announce my presence when her voice cuts me off.
"Alphonse...please.. stop sneaking in..." She sighs and I can hear her sniff. "If you want to come and hold me, I'm not going to stop you...." She says and it seems with a hint of happiness. My eyes widen at the words. Hold her? What is she talking about? Is he...? Is she...? Are they...? My hands ball into fists and I don't know how long I will be able to keep the anger and anguish of the current situation at bay. "Well? Are you coming in or not?" I hear with agitation in her voice. So she thinks I am Al? And despite the front I am trying to pull a few tears pool at the side of my eyes. I gasp in an attempt to hold them in. "Al...Alphonse?" She says with a shaky voice. I can hear the shuffling of fabric and someone moving. I need to get out of here before she sees me. I don't know what I will say in the heat of the moment once my eyes see her. I turn around and go to leave when I hear a gasp from behind me. "Ed...?" I hang my head in defeat. So much for leaving. "Is.... is that you...?" Her voice seems to be shaking. But at the moment all I can think about is her and Al together. Him holding her... Him... touching her... like I use to. And a strangled cry comes out of my lips and few tears come down my cheeks. My heart has finally broken for the last time. I will wash my hands of these people and never come back.
"I hope you two are happy...." I say with an uneasiness tone. "I.. I have to go" I move to leave but I only get to the doorway and she is at my back with her arms around my waste holding me in place. I am in total shock.
"Don't leave... Ed... please..." Her face is buried in my back and I come to my senses and try and pry her off of me. I turn around and take in the sight of her. Her face is streaked with tears and her eyes are very red and puffy. Her hair is limp and her clothes are littered with crease lines. Her blue eyes look up into my golden ones. "Ed.... Please.." Her hands shoot out and push aside my coat and grab my shirt in a death grip and she proceeds to bury her head in my chest. I look up and focus on the window in front of me. The situation is overwhelming. I am so confused.
"W-what about A-Al?" I choke out as a sob comes up and out of my throat.
"He doesn't want you to leave either..." She pauses as she tightens her hold on my shirt, if thats possible. "You're his brother..." Now I am extremely confused. Weren't they together now? Why would they need me? "Edward.... Please.... stay... don't leave me alone..."
"Y-you have Al..." She pushes back and looks at me in confusion.
"What are you talking about?" Now I don't know what to say. Maybe I misinterpreted the situation. "DId you just come back to say your final goodbyes?" She says with raising anger in her voice. "Then leave" She points to the door. I am shaking horribly now. I wanted to scream at her that she has it all wrong, that I have it all wrong. But the words won't come out. I am paralyzed in one spot. Me, the FullMetal alchemist is scared to death. I have been afraid of this moment. I am afraid that if I tell her how I feel she will reject me, and to me that is worse than death. "Well? What are you waiting for?" Her voice is laced with anger and a hint of something she is trying to suppress. But I can feel the emotion flowing from her. She is also afraid. Does she really think I will leave her?
"W-Winry..." I stutter out. She looks at me expectantly. Why can't I just tell her. God damnit, what the hell! I clench my fists in reaction to the anger I feel at myself. But before I can utter anything more she looks down.
"Leave then...." I see a few drops of water fall to the floor and my eyes widen in deeper confusion. "If you have no reason to stay, then leave...." She doesn't lift her gaze from the floor, rather pointing to the door to emphasize her feelings I guess. If that is what she wants how can I argue with her? Stubbornly I clench my fists tighter.
"If that is what you want..." And before she can stop me I turn around and leave the house with my knapsack and suitcase with out even blinking an eye.
I'm so fucking stuboborn. I kick the dirt below my automail leg and look around. Now where the hell am I going to go? So I do what my brother and I have always done. I make my way to the river.
The crystal clear water ripples with the wind and I can smell the freshness of the grass and I smile weakly as memories once again flood my consciousness. The long jacket seems too hot and I strip myself of the rather large garment. I chuckle while doing so. Afterwards I lay on my back and look at the clouds. My shirt scrunched up under me.
You were so tall compared to me. If I was shorter his clothes would have looked rather large and clumsy on me but since I have grown taller, and almost to the height of Mustang they just look some what loose. Oh Mrs. Hughes, you were so nice to me and offering me advice in my time of need. But you were wrong. They don't need me anymore. And it is about time I face that fact. I fall onto my back and lie in the grass with my hands behind my head. The energy spent on the journey here and worrying along the way has taken quite a toll on my body and I feel so sleepy. My eyes drift close even though I am trying to hard to stay awake.
I am brought back by the sound of someone running. What the hell?! I jump up and into defense mode before I am fully awake that I'm in my home town and there is no threat here. But before I can register the situation I feel another body collide with mine and hold me in a death grip. I stumble back but I don't fall.
I venture a look down. Winry? What the hell?
"I went to the train station a-and you weren't there.... I thought you had truly left me... b-but you didn't.. "She hugs me tighter around the waist. "I searched for hours... I almost gave up..." She doesn't seem upset anymore. Is that a hint of happiness in her voice.
Okay Edward, this is your chance and don't fuck it up this time.
"I-I couldn't..." I stutter. She looks up at me. Her eyes scream for me to tell her those words she longs to hear.
"I.." But she silences me with a kiss. I tense in shock but slowly relax into it. NO! My mind screams to tell her what she wants, needs and deserves to hear. So I push her back and grip her shoulders. My face tightens in preparation.
She is shocked to say the least and she starts to cry. In total panic I start to stutter an apologgy to her. "W-Winry.... I-I... I'm sorry... p-please don't cry.... I.. j-just..."
"You don't have to say it...." She cries harder now. "Spare me the pain... please..."
The pain? Oh no, she thinks I don't love her. So much for NOT fucking it up. So I put my hands on either side of her face and pull her to me and kiss her. I deepen it and she melts in my arms.
"What does that tell you?" I gasp out. "I love you Winry..." I pause only for a second. "I love you so much..." I don't wait for a reaction before pulling her in for another kiss.
Part 2 :
Suddenly I feel nervous as I am seated at the kitchen table staring at Alphonse. It is still hard to understand that he is not a boy, but a man. I tap my fingers on the table and look at everything except for him.
"Will you at least look at me?" He slams his fist on the table and I jump back. I have never seen him this angry before. I really don't know what to say that will make everything okay, probably nothing will.
"O-Okay..." I lift my head from looking at the table top. It's a nice grain texture okay?! The look on his face scares me. He is angry with me, no he is BEYOND that. He is FURIOUS with me. "W-What's going on Al?" I try to say with some lightheartedness while my voice cracks. But he scowls at me and looks to the living room where Winry is at the moment.
She is humming softly and I know she is happy I am back. I look to the living room as well and I smile. But when I return my gaze back to Al I can see he is still angry with me. It is a scary thing to see him mad. In the time we have been brothers he has never gotten upset with me. So you can imagine the reason why I fidget in my seat as he scowls at me.
"S-So how have you b-been?" I started tapping my fingers once again.
"Oh so you suddenly care how I am?" He hisses.
Uh oh. This is not going to be good. "W-Well.... I-I-" Another fist is slammed on the table interrupting me. My eyes widen and I simply gawk at him. Since when did Al become so... so.. violent?
"Save it for someone who cares." He is about to stand but I read my hand out and grab ahold of his wrist. He halts in his place. I really don't know what to say to him. I was stupid, and in a moment of pure fury I left. My only hope is that we can all start over. Not forget what happened, but rather put it in the past.
"Listen Al... I'm sorry.... okay?" I've never been any good at apologies. So I do what I've been taught, and I look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry I left you behind." His face twitches and I can see the unshed tears behind his eyes. He tares his arm away from me and glares at me instead.
"Well you better not be here just for its sake." And with that he is gone out the back door. What is he talking? 'Back for its sake?'
Winry comes in and I notice she has a nervous aura about her as she walks into the room. Ever since that early afternoon she has been a bit fidgeting. I asked her but he simply shrugged it off. I give her a questioning look but she flashes me a huge grin
"Is everything alright Winry?' I ask her as I move to stand next to her while she gets a glass from the cupboard. "Nothing happened when I was away?" I move to embrace her and she turns her head to the side.
"umm... n-no... why?" Why is she so nervous? She is avoiding my eyes and she never does that.
"Listen..." I look away from her. "I'm sorry I said those horrible things to you." I turn back and I can see the glint of tears. I pull her closer. "I can't promise, but I can try to be nicer..."
"J-Just forget about it okay Ed?" See nuzzles her head into my shoulder. I relish her body against mine and I feel totally at ease, until I feel her slender frame seem to shake. I push back and look at her.
"You can tell me anything Winry, good or bad. I'll still love you..." She smiles through the tears.
"I'm just glad you're home...that's all..." But I know that isn't all. Something is going on. Normally I would try and force it out. But I can't do that this time. She will tell me when she is ready. I'm not about to lose her.