Title: Things I'll Never Say
FullMetal Alchemist - Romance - R - Ed/Winry
"Prologue -2" ----"3" ----- "4"----- "5"----- " 6"----" 7 + 8"
AN : I kinda rushed this chapter a bit.... i promise the next will be much better.
review + comment please!
Chapter 9 : Consequences of our actions. (possibly long chapter)
Part 1 - Replacement
I am seated in the corner of the bathroom cross legged once again looking at the floor. This time I am staring at white tile. I trace the lines on the floor with my index finger. This room has become my favorite room in the house. Not being able to keep much down I have resolved to sleeping in the bathtub with a blanket and pillow because early mornings and late nights keep me clinging to a bowl of white.
"Winry! Winry!" Someone yells from downstairs. The door to my room is far off and it muffles the sound so I have no clue who is calling my name. Then I hear footfalls and my door is flung open and someone practically runs into the bathroom. I look up and come face to face with Al. He hangs on the door frame for a few minutes catching his breath. "I came as soon as I could. Is Ed here?" He asks with hope in his voice. I shake my head. This happens every day. Poor Alphonse rushes home everyday and asks me if his dear brother has come home. I just wish he would stop asking for him. I feel myself start to cry. The first time I have shed tears since I found out what was wrong.
Al collapses on the floor and pulls me into his embrace. The warmth of another body next to mine lightens my heart just a bit and I smile weakly. Why can't your brother be more like you Alphonse? You're sweet and caring. But you aren't a replacement for him and I can't expect you to be.
"W-We'll figure something out Win, I promise." He takes a breath and continues. "I'll never leave you..." He lifts a hand and brushes it through my hair and caresses my cheek, something Edward use to do. I know what he's thinking. He's not a replacement.
"No Al, you don't have to do that." I squeeze him tighter. "This is my mistake and I'm going to take care of it by myself."
"A mistake?" he pulls away from me. "Is that what you think it is?" He stares at me with anger evident in his stormy eyes. "How can you say that about something you and brother created?" He eyes me closely to see if I let any emotion through.
"I don't want him to know Al..." I say "He can't... I don't want him to come back for that, he needs to come back because he loves you and I. I couldn't live with the fact that he was here just because of his own flesh and blood. We would be living a lie and I just couldn't do it."
He pulls away slightly "Don't you think I've thought of that Win? I have, and I think if we could just find him and let him know something is up then maybe, just maybe he would come back because he's worried..." He tells me.
I nod in agreement. There is no use arguing with him, he's just going to do it anyway.
It took me many tries to get in touch with him. When I announced who I was they laughed at me and hung up, If I have to go in there, so help me God- "Hello? Alphonse?"
"Mustang!" I exclaim. "Took me so long to get in touch with you!" I say to him from my end.
"Yes, well what do you need Al, I am sorry but I AM a busy man and I can't just chat right now. I was told it was an emergency, is everything alright? How's FullMetal?" Woah, so many words from him. I almost laugh but reminded to get right to the point.
"That's the thing, he's gone and we don't know where he is." I stumble over the next words because I have no idea what to say. "There was....I... Well... Winry.... it.... was an accident-" But I didn't get to finish because he interrupted me.
"Is everything alright?" He shouts into the phone. "Okay well I will send a few officers out to retrieve him, you'll here from me" Then all I heard was a dial tone. Oh no, He thinks there was an accident. I turn to Winry and she looks at me expectantly.
I put a hand behind my head and nervously chuckle and smile "Well he's going to find him... the only problem is... ummm"
"Well?" She asks impatiently.
"Well, ahh...He thinks there was an accident..." I laugh nervously again "So he's probably going to snatch him from somewhere and tell him something bad happened..."
"Alphonse!!!" She groans. I just smile sheepishly.
"Well at least he's going to find him eh? Now all we have to do is wait."
What will brother say when he shows up and instead of seeing Winry in trouble, rather her standing there bursting with life instead?
I am surprised when I phone Gracia directly after I got off the phone with Alphonse and before I can actually ask her how everything is she tells me FullMetal is there.
After everything that happened a few years ago I got over myself and call Gracia frequently as well as stopping by to see her. I felt I owed them for saving my life those years ago. Ah yes, a time when I was consumed with guilt from the Ishbalan war. The memory of holding a gun to my own face always comes back to haunt me. But instead of feeling guilty I simply acknowledge it as a memory from my past.
"Edward-kun is here Roy..." I hear her whisper. Well isn't this a nice find, I guess I won't need to track him down.
"Why are you whispering?" I ask also in a whisper.
"Well I don't want him to know I am talking to you.." She pauses and yells to someone in the background. "Oh, it's just a friend!"
"I will be sending a few men over there to get him...something has happened back home and he needs to get there right away."
"Roy, you should come here yourself then..." I sigh. "Don't you care enough to come over yourself? Surely you can spare a few moments to come down here."
"Fine, but I won't be there long..." I sigh once more "I will be there soon."
As I make my way up the walk I hear laughing coming from with in. A shriek I know is distinctly from a young girl but the other low toned laughter is foreign to me. I knock and the giggling ceases. There standing in the door way seems to be a ghost. A man just a little bit shorter than I with strikingly long blonde hair tied back neatly in a pony tail as well as bangs hanging on both sides framing a face with deep golden eyes. He is wearing a long sleeved green shirt and brown kaki pants. He looks so different from the last time I saw him. We both stare at each other.
"Colonel.." He whispers. I suddenly feel very VERY old. This boy, no man was so young when I first saw him.
"FullMetal...."I also whisper.
"Well come on in Roy!" I hear Gracia call from behind FullMetal.
I come in and take my over coat off and hang it on the rack beside the door. As I make my way to the couch Elysia comes barreling in from the kitchen and collides with me. I almost fall but I catch myself. "Well hey there Elysia" I tell her with a smile on face. She looks more and more like Maes every day. "What have you been up to?"
"Playing with Edward-kun!" She says with excitement evident in her voice. "He's like the big brother I never had!" I steal a glance at FullMetal and he is blushing in embarrassment.
"I hate it when she calls me that." FullMetal grumbles. I laugh lightly. He turns and looks at me oddly. He really had no idea how much I have changed. He has changed too I presume. He may sound the same sometimes but I know better. War can do some drastic things to your soul. I myself don't 'have a pole up my ass' as I had caught some of my subordinates saying about me.
The day I was shot changed many things.
"Well I need to talk to him if that's okay?" She nods and leaves saying she will help her mother in the kitchen.
I motion for FullMetal to take a seat. He does and I sit next to him on the couch. He seems to stiffen as how close I am to him. How am I going to tell him something happened back home? I sigh and then clear my throat. "FullMetal..." But he interrupts me.
"Don't call me that.... I'm not in the military anymore..." He says softly as he is looking down at his hands.
"Edward... I am here on behalf of Alphonse..." I hear him start to groan and notice he has balled his hands into fists.
"DId he tell you I made an ass of myself back home?" I see him unclench his fists and hold on to the edge of the couch on either side of him, but then he seems to sulk. "Well you can tell him I'm not coming back... not yet anyway..."
"Ahh.... umm.." How should I proceed? I guess something happened that made him leave. But he is a drifter at heart so leaving was bound to happen soon or later. "No, he phoned me bidding me to find you, he said something has happened back home, to Winry I think...." But before I can say anything else he stands up immediately as I mention Winry's name. The look on his face is all i need to know about his feelings toward the blonde mechanic. I smile as I look up at him. But it disappears the moment his facial features turn to that of alarm.
"What's happened?" He asks with urgency in his voice. "Tell me old man!" He yells in desperation it seems.
"I don't know Full- Edward, I thought it best to come find you immediately." I tell him. He looks very worried. What happened that made him leave Alphonse behind?
By this time Gracia is coming out the kitchen. "Well I finally got Elysia to go to bed." She chuckles but stops when she sees Edward's face. "Is everything alright?"
"I'm leaving.." Edward says and goes up the stairs, to retrieve his belongs I assume.
"What's going on Roy?" Gracia asks me in a hushed voice.
"Alphonse called me late last night and was trying to tell me something, I think something happened to Winry." As I tell her this Edward is coming down the stairs with a bag.
"Mrs. Hughes, you are sure it is alright that I keep these clothes?" He gestures as he lifts the knapsack up with one hand while his suitcase is hanging from the other.
"Yes, of course, who else will where them?" Gracia tells him. "You have grown out of your other clothes, and besides, it's better than wearing black all the time like you use to." Then she chuckles and I laugh a bit too. But the glare Edward gives me stops the noise immediately.
I eye Edward as he makes his way to the coat rack. He pulls a coat over his shoulders and looks at me expectantly while gripping the door handle. After all those years of me trying to help him he is looking to me now? Golden eyes pleading with me to go with him. But until he voices it I will remain still. As if on cue his mouth opens.
"Well Mustang, are you coming?" He says to me a bit irritated. I assume it is because he is anxious to get home. I am about to speak but Gracia cuts in.
"Edward-kun, hold on a second. Let me get you some food for the road."
"That won't be nece-" But she interrupts him.
"Don't be silly, I'll be right back." And with that she is gone.
"You want me to accompany you?" I ask him a little startled.
"You don't have to, but at least come with me to train station." He really has changed. Not much but some little things have changed, such as wanting me around for a little bit. He doesn't seem disgusted with me as much anymore.
"There was once a time when you never wanted me around." I tell him.
"That is in the past..." He whispers. "Things change... people change..." My eyes widen at the words.
Gracia emerges with a small parcel and hands it to Edward. "Thank you Mrs. Hughes... for everything..." He hugs her and turns to me. "Shall we?" He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. Maybe there is a friendship in the future after all.
I thought that the first time I saw Mustang again I would be infuriated or feel some sort of hatred, but I find that I don't feel that all. I feel admiration more than anything else. Shortly after I came home Al informed me of Mustang's election to becoming President. I groaned at first thinking he was going to force me into the military. But no blue uniformed men ever came knocking at my door.
I look at the back of his head as he is driving down the road and I am compelled to ask him something that had been nagging at me since I saw him. An odd question, but something I need to know. A question I had come to ask everyone I bumped into from my past.
"Colo- I mean.." I stumble a bit and curse.
He chuckles "Roy is fine. You are Edward and I am Roy." I can almost feel the smile through his words. I smile then. "What is it you want to ask me?" I see his eyes float a bit to the rearview mirror to lock onto mine and then back to the road.
"Are you happy?" I pause for a second and continue. "I mean, are you satisfied with where your life is right now?" I look in the rearview mirror and make eye contact with him once again.
"You could say I am." He beeps the horn then and curses at someone who cuts him off. "Sorry about that... A lot has happened since you went missing. And things kept on happening after you left Edward. Have you noticed that Riza, I mean Lt. Hawkeye is not driving my car right now, actually that she isn't with us right this very second?" He looks at me briefly before returning his eyes to the road.
A feeling of dread fills me. "Did something happen while I was away? Geez, it's just like with Hughes, no one tells me a god damn thing!" I all but yell.
But I am shocked because he starts to laugh then. And not just any laugh, a kind of laugh that you can tell he is definitely amused by my words. "No Edward! You have it all wrong!' He laughs some more. "She is still by my side, but in a different way. Edward, she is my wife now."
I can't help but gasp. "Well I thought there was some hidden thing going on but, woah!" I say.
"No, you still have it wrong. When I got shot and lost my eye she was by my side the whole time while I was recovering. But I was too stupid to appreciate her. She dropped subtle hints and I ignored them. And by ignoring them I pushed her away. We had a few fights and I finally realized that I loved her. It was very hard at first. But I finally did get over myself." I laughed then. "Ok you laugh but Edward, did you ever tell Winry you loved her?"
I sobered up then "How did you know that?' I ask accusingly.
"I'm sorry Edward but it is quite obvious." The car seems to slow down at the station. "Well it seems that you have made it just in time for the last train for the day. How lucky you are."
I get out of the car and make my way to the drivers side. I stand there for a few moments before we both extend our hands to shake at the same time. We both smile then. Who would have thought that we could have a decent conversation?
"Thank you, Roy." I say as I start to walk away.
"Edward! One more thing, If you ever want to return there will always be a place for you and I guarantee you it wouldn't be a very violent position."
"I'll think about it." I say to him. And for once I was speaking the absolute truth. I would seriously think it through.
The ride on the train brings me back to another place and time. Memories seem to flood my mind as I gaze out the window.
"You know Al you didn't have to come along..." I tell him.
"But Brother I always want to be with you..." Alphonse says to me.
I smile at the memory. We were inseparable back then, what happened? What happened to our innocence? Oh yes, I remember. It was torn away the day our mother died. Actually, you could go as far back to when our father left. But putting blame somewhere isn't going to ease the pain. Heck it doesn't even lesson it.
The trees and rolling hills of green grass swiftly go by and I start to day dream some more.
"Brother, do you think we will find the stone?" Al told me through a creaking metal shell of a body.
"Yes Al I do... and first thing, we will get you you're body back..." I extended my body on the bench of the train and put my arms behind my head and relaxed.
"What about your arm and leg brother? Don't you want those back?" I moved my head and looked at him.
"Well of course I do, but you come first." I told him.
How could I be so selfish to leave him behind. He must hate me, and rightfully so. I promised to always be with him and I just left him behind. I came back just to leave again. How much of a dumb-ass can I be? Why do I have to be so stubborn all the time. All I do is hurt the ones I love.
I sigh and rest by head on the back of the seat. Staring up the ceiling of the train I come to a decision. I will swallow my pride and apologize.
I have some time today so i plan on doing the next chapter between today and tomorrow...