|Things I'll never say Chapter 4
||[May. 17th, 2006|11:14 pm]
Title: Things I'll Never Say
FullMetal Alchemist - Romance - R - Ed/Winry
"Prologue - Chapter 2" ------ "Chapter 3"
Chapter 4 : Moonlight.
She breaks away from me and leaves. She leaves me alone in the kitchen. Why can't I just fucking tell her how I feel? Why can't i just tell her I love her. Yes, I love her. The beautiful blonde mechanic has captured my heart and I can't even fucking tell her! I truly am hopeless.
In my rage I throw a chair at the nearby cabinets and yell out in anguish. Is this what it's like to love and lose? I've lost her. She has moved on finally and I can't do anything about it. I fall to my knees. The tears I had held back earlier were threatening to break through. She had hope when I was away. She had hope that i would return. And I returned to late. Soon I bet someone will come and take her away and marry her. And when that day comes I will truly die. Because I always envisioned her being in my arms for all eternity.
"Why is this so hard?" I ask aloud, more to myself.
"Love isn't easy brother..." I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder. I look up and I see my brother ightly smiling at me. "But it's worth it."
I need comfort right now. And I have always been too stubborn to ask for it. Al senses this and pulls me into his embrace. "She doesn't love me Al." I take a deep breath. "She has moved on."
"You don't know that." But I sense the nervousness in his voice. He too has doubts.
We stay like that for a while. The sun sets in the distance and the moon starts to shine through the window over the sink in the kitchen. I look him in the eyes.
"I know brother, your welcome." We both stand. He looks out the window and at Winry's work-shed. A soft light emitting from the window. "She loves you brother." He moves to leave but I stop him.
"How do you know?" I ask him.
"i can see it in her eyes when she looks at you..." He smiles at me. "Go to her brother." Then he leaves me alone to mull over my thoughts. My gaze drifts to the work-shed.
I open the porch door and begin my walk. There is a light breeze, leaving goose-bumps all over my exposed flesh. Is it really from the wind or is it because I am nervous as all hell?
The door is slightly ajar. I don't hear any noise so I am assuming she fell asleep at her desk again. This is confirmed when I push the door all the way open. Her head is resting on her folded arms. Her breathing is shallow and slow. She is fast asleep alright. I lightly chuckle and watch her. Her hair has been taken out of the pin and it is cascading down her back. So calm and serene this moment is.
She is so beautiful. I just wish I could tell her how I feel. I owe her that much. Even if she doesn't love me, at-least I could get it off my chest. I move to stand next her. I reach my hand out and softly move my hand over her hair. I hear her mumble something and I stop dead in my tracks. "Ed please don't leave me..." She is dreaming.
I know she can't hear me but I answer anyway. "I'm not leaving you..." I whisper. But only I know the real truth. I'm not good enough for her. She needs a man who can actually tell her he loves her. I know actions speak louder than words but Winry deserves the words too. She deserves better. I suck in some air and prepare for what I'm about to do.
I kneel down so I am staring at her face when I speak to her. I put my hand on hers. She sighs in content. Well thats a good start. "I... I love you Winry... but we cannot be.. you deserve so much better." A few tears fall down my cheek with the intense emotion I am suddenly feeling. "I am not good enough for you.."I let out a sob. "What you want... I don't know if I can give it to you.." I notice that she is making a painful face. She must hear me but to her it's just a dream. " But know this... I will always love you... always..." I stand. I walk back to the house with out looking back.
Please take comfort in knowing that Winry...